Forgiving Ohio: Chicken Needle Soup for the soulless

Posted by Matthew Crouch at 23:15

Regarding a photo of John Waters with two beef cake dolphin smooth escort studs beside him; selected e-mails between my pal back home from old Ohio - BJ - junkie in recovery who idolizes Amy Sedaris and her chemically enhanced personae. Bj perpetually falling off the wagon to recovery.

From a transAtlantic e-mail dated November 10th more or less...

(To) Matt
(Say this whole paragraph with your country ohio/wva accent):

"What's sowld is sowld."

Well buddy...this is the only thought upon seeing that picture: John Waters is the least shiny and leathery of the three and he needs to share his ivory cover girl pressed powder with his fellow film related pals....jeeeezy boy.

“What’s sowld is sowld.”

(Are there any little Dutch-lings in the market for some white shear curtains because I have way too manys...)

Write back big buddy your boy,

Benjamin.

note: “What’s sowld is sowld” was what BJ told one time at check out when he and I were Thrift Store was shopping for curtains when he realized he bought too many curtains.

Later that same day from my early morning to his late night.

Hey there Benjamin
Are you on speaking terms with your parents at all these days? I suspect my father voted for Bush which he sheepishly seemed to confess to. People here are STILL talking about Ohio!!!!
Oh BJ, the humiliation in being an Amerikkkan these days and what's worse
everyone wants to know where I am from - OH-hi-yo'dude - the future Nuremberg of Jesusland.

When you have fulfilled your state/county obligations (are you on speaking terms with your Parole officer young man!), please, BJ I will set up a charitable fund to help pay your way out of Ohio for good and get you in a nice recovery center which Courtney Love recommends over Betty Ford. You need to find yourself if not out of the states entirely then at least in one of those pleasant responsible Kerry states.

Keep sending me rants to post in your junkie-in-recovery-blogette site
that Bart is making for you. Soon you will be more famous and sought after
than JTLeRoy.
Belgian kisses
Matt

What follows is from an e-mail subject titled something like:
"Super hot Ohio noodle soup with disease infested needle tips and crusty armpits",
dated November 20th.

Hello pepper.
So much crap has happened, although I don't like the word crap, I don't know what to use. I am at the ghetto library branch in Dayton, Ohio on Germantown Road. People get scared to drive over here but for some reason, I just walk the streets day and night like I’m in candy land.

I got kicked out of my recovery program for having my friend Bonnie visit my room. I guess that's a big no-no (opposite sex mid afternoon room soirees), but all the counselors know I’m gay so I don't get the problem. Bonnie got caught with a needle in her room.....DUMB! Then somehow I got linked to it all...you know, if I am crazy enough to have a friend visit my room , I must be shooting up narcotics.

Anyway... homeless, penniless, parent's mad at me, warrant out for
arrest....more adventures in this so called Ohio life. YAY!
At least I have a really cute redheaded hillbilly boy waiting for me in prison.
love benjamin
Chicken needle soup.

All I can think of in conclusion to BJ's persistant struggle with his "recreationals" is something like this....

The only reason I can figure Bush II carried Ohio was because all of the possible Kerry voters are locked up in jail or prison somewhere lost in Ohio unable to vote. When you consider the U.S. has something like one percent of the worlds population including presently her martyrship Martha Stewart it carries 25 percent of the global prison population. Did Martha vote and if she couldn't who would she have voted for? All of this makes me wonder if it is a consequence of the land of Liberty or the constraints put on Liberty herself. Liberty is a woman and all women know they are still far from being free let alone even tokenly equal.

Either that or the land of the free just wants a legal right to have pharmaceutical grade dependable recreational chemicals but then maybe the liquor industry doesn't want that sort of competition. Maybe the Bush Administration doesn't want you to get stoned legally because you will never vote Republican again after that. Too bad for them too they used to believe in small government and now they have made it not only bigger than ever but effectively the largest killing machine on the planet.

Well Ohio you can always get stupidly high on Jesus while the rest of the world suffers for your sins of self inflicted ignorance. We see you Ohio with your gut full sitting in traffic humming and crying and praying to Jesus baffled into mental oblivion by what is beyond the next traffic light let alone the next foreign country.